Kyle on Kyle

WEDDING HIGHLIGHTS

2009-05-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

Three-brother totem pole maneuver on oversized chairs.

Dancing with cake, followed by cake in the face, followed by unpleasant Bryan cheek-lick.

Sean and Aiden (sp?) playing chase at the reception

That Aussie drinking song. I want to know it.

Sweet long Sean nap on the return flight

Sweet Sean puke all over daddy upon Snowmass arrival

Matt’s waitress explaining how the pheasant is pheasant, but really it’s chicken.

Writing killer awesome notes on the wishing tree (like, “I’m Kerry, and that’s scary”).

Finding a piece of nasty bark outside and placing it amongst the bark seating assignments.

Tit for

2007-11-10T14:25:00.001-08:00

Got a tat on my right shoulder-ish. It's the numbers 930 in block letters and mushed together. The numbers signify Dee and Sean's shared birthday: September Thirty.

The tat was inked in San Diego at a place called Church of Steel by a portly German named Marcel, with a mixed rockabilly/goth style. While I was there another artist got a call, and the secretary said "Hey, remember that dude whose face you tattooed yesterday? Well, he's coming in and he's pissed!" I missed the confrontation unfortunately.

Adding to the experience, I saw a screaming load of girls crowded around these guys.

2007-10-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

Next Friday I head for San Diego. I will stay in a hostel and, perhaps, be burned to death by the California fires. Pray for me. Pray for Mojo.

After some thought, I've decided that my favorite movie in the last while has got to be Children of Men.

Adobe Illustrator kicks ass.

So do the BoSox. Eat it Denver.

Classified

2007-10-07T08:43:00.001-07:00

Underweight yet flabby MWM with terribly itchy eyes seeks like-minded MWM or SWM to commiserate over total lack of time to do anything but clean up after messy babies and do laundry once in awhile. No baldies.

Bits of Kyle

2007-09-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

About a month ago our car was broken into while it was parked at the Detroit airport, just days before our move out to Boston. My CD collection was swiped, and the thieves were nice enough to scrape and bend the door and window frame before busting out the window. A nice Detroit-style “good bye” for us.

We live next door to the most popular sandwich shop in Arlington, MA. The sandwiches are delicious and so is the convenience. It’s trouble.

My favorite new food is a whoopie pie. It treats me well.

Am I sweaty and stubbly enough for you?

Eddie

2007-02-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

I've about had it with Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. I count 11 fat suits in the last 10 years, and there could be more that I'm not aware of. Did he wear one for Dr. Doolittle? I'm not counting it if so.

I'm Outta Here

2006-12-19T13:04:00.000-08:00

My official postdoctoral fellowship will be....

....in this city
...at this univeristy
....in this department
....in this laboratory
...with this researcher
....in this institute
....which is next door to this crazy building

2006-12-15T16:01:00.000-08:00

I'm not normally one for YouTube links, but this is just too good.

2006-12-15T15:56:00.000-08:00

The following transcript was recorded prior to this event.

"Quick, someone help! These dolphins are choking on chunks of plastic!"
"I have medical instruments that might help".
"No way, those are too short."
"Hey, I know! We'll get the world's tallest man to reach his world's tallest arms down the dolphins throats and extract the plastic!"
"It's sure to work!"
"It can't fail!"

2006-11-11T17:30:00.000-08:00

And some press on that experimental article.

Art school innuendo

2006-11-06T15:58:00.001-08:00

Do you care that I was sitting on the bus next to a couple of undergrads with full-on 'dude' manner of talking? Or that they were art students and wore ridiculous clothing like a tee shirt and tie or a twisted cap, dress coat and jeans? How about that one of them was talking about a girl, and was hoping to "Sketch the shit out of her, dude".

I don't think it was deliberate innuendo, since the conversation was all about art supplies and drawing styles...but damn, I like it.

2006-11-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

And another new article.

2006-10-29T10:28:00.000-08:00

New article!

Baby Tees

2006-10-27T15:16:00.000-07:00

It's true

Hungry Boy

Not so healthy.

2006-10-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

On the subject of poo holes, Albert Pujols of the St Louis Cardinals has an unfortunate last name.

I'm cooler than you

2006-10-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

The Blues

2006-10-05T15:40:00.000-07:00

Got me some Johnny Walker Blue Label thanks to Steve, Beca, Nicola & Chris. It's the cleanest and smoothest scotch I've ever had, and quite tasty. Baby likes it too:

Sean Smith

2006-10-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

What we have here is a baby boy, born at 6:00pm on 9/30 (on Dee's birthday, and a day before mine), 6 pounds and 6 ounces (that's 666 now), black hair, large feet, and squirmy little hands.

Sheen

2006-09-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

Charlie Sheen looks like he's wearing a Charlie Sheen mask. It may have something to do with the lower half of his face looking over-botoxed.

Warning!

2006-08-31T18:59:00.000-07:00

This is what happens if you watch THE RING and
ALIEN simultaneously while pregnant.

Rock on Tour

2006-08-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

Saw the Raconteurs last night. Fantastic show. Way better than the album, which is also good. Jack White is ripped.

We went to a bar after the show. After drinking and losing at cricket to some dude with a leather travel dart case, we drive home. A skateboard guy runs out into the street in front of us, but doubles back instead of getting hit. Naturally, we roll down our windows and yell, "Wooooooaaa, budy!". Moments later we realize he's running after us and throwing his skateboard at our car, which misses completely. So we say, "Nice try buddy!" and drive offf. I'm all for downtown skating, but not if it involves throwing the board at cars. I'm just not going to support that, man.

The longest ride

2006-08-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

I hop on the bus labeled "northbound", but notice that it's heading south instead. The driver tells me she forgot to switch the sign. On top of that, I later notice that she's heading through the neighborhoods--not on the route. Just when I notice, she proclaims, "Darn it, I'm driving home! Jeesh." So, I was forced to enjoy the extra thirty minutes that it took for the bus to loop back around northbound and also the added little trip to the driver's home while she spaced out. She almost hit a car as well, butI think it was the car's fault.

Boy

2006-07-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

Dee and I are officially having a BOY!

Rentals

2006-06-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

TOPS
The New World: Kyle loved it; no one else will.
The Good Girl: Classic Aniston. No, really, it's a tasty flick.
The Baxter: From The State players comes this funny romantic jabbadoo.
Good Night, & Good Luck: Worth about 95% of the hype.
Brokeback Mountain: Worth about 85% of the hype.
In America: But not a movie to watch with your pregnant wife.
Batman Begins: Terrific superhero movie. One of the best (but Dee found it boring).

MIDS
Three Extremes: Not all that extreme, but definately creepy.
The Constant Gardner: Decent. Surprisingly little momentum for a "political thriller".
Match Point: Woody Allen. English upper class. Murder. What more can I say.
Flightplan: Pretty damned predictable.
Wolf Creek: Great Aussie horror. Way too much like Texas Chainsaw Massacre to be "TOPS".

LOWS
Fantastic Four: Stopped watching after 20 minutes.
Derailed: Stopped watching after 30 minutes.
The Island: Eh... Ok premise, stupid filmmaking.

Dee's 1st Mother's Day Gift

2006-05-13T17:43:00.000-07:00

Kyle on Derby

2006-05-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

Dee and I got ourselves some Kentucky Derby this weekend. 150,000 fans, 11 races, umpteen horses and umpteen jockeys, bets a-plenty, and enough mint juleps to pave the goddamn mason dixie.

The infield was the largest tailgate party I've ever been to, complete with drunkenness, belligerance, trash and beer, and some lovely sunburns. Dee and I lost money overall, although I won some on my pick of the winner. That's right, I rule. Dee placed a bet on first, second and third place horses, which wound up coming in last, second to last and third to last. She's a sage, only in reverse.

Also, Juleps are pretty tasty.

The Biz

2006-04-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

I submit the following for consideration for Bizzaros Of The Year:

Elias Koteas (aka Casey Jones)
Christopher Meloni (aka that guy from Law and Order SVU)

Y'all Reno 911 fans

2006-04-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

Reno movie

I love the fact that Paul Rudd is the druglord. The man is straight up funny.

Grade A Kyle

2006-04-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

Kyle has finished nearly all teaching obligations for his class on Drugs of Abuse. He has some papers to grade and grades to post, but after that, Kyle will be done with teaching for at least 3 years.

On a related note, Kyle wonders why - oh, why - do students wait until it's too late to speak with teachers about how to study properly, how to keep from failing because they need to graduate in 2 weeks, etc. Kyle can tell them how to study and how to prevent an F, but it won't be of much help 3 days before the final exam (or after the final, in one case). Kyle isn't happy about these students.

Vegas Days 3 & 4

2006-04-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

I’ll make this one short and sweet.

Day 3: Tour the strip, find beloved “Golden Putti”, take in a ridiculous patriotic light show that I had convinced everyone would be awesome, attend toples rock-and-roll vampire show, drink and watch other people gamble.

Day 4: Rent a car, drag self through endless blazing hot desert walk, catch the ol’ red-eye, get alternate ride home because car impounded, stress out with Dee about whether or not the desert scorched our fetus.

It didn't, fortunately.

Vegas Day 2

2006-04-11T17:54:00.000-07:00

We woke up, took in some theme store window-shopping, and gambled a bit. I was up but Dee was down. Video poker—live the dream. I found a big mother fu$#ing slot machine and swore I’d play it later. It was soooo big. Around this time I began calling Dee a “loose nickel slut” in reference to the nickel slots that peppered the casino floor. She loved it, needless to say. A short while later it was wedding time, and we had some fun dressing up. Dee was “Doll Face”, I was “Tim from accounting”, our hotel mate Steve was “Lime Ricky” (he had a green sportcoat), and Beca was “Tit lips”. Prior to this, we went to a slummy convenient store for our supplies (whisky, eyelashes, etc.). The clerks were makeuped to hell and seemed to be crusty ex- (or failed) showgirls. Depressing place. While shopping we shared stories of Vegas sightings from the previous night including that crotch-pole incident, a middle-of-the-street CPR emergency, and a drug bust.
The wedding took place at one of those quaint and quirky Vegas chapels. Several guests brought whisky, some were wearing jeans and sandals (e.g. the Bride’s father, a pot-crazy DJ from Hawaii), and there was a waiting line for the marriage. Perfect Vegas style. The best moment was when the bride and groom entered--he was wearing the gown and she was wearing the tux (which fit well with his long hair length and her short hair). Big round of applause and laughter. The rest of the ceremony was nice, and afterwards we attended the reception. It was held near the top of the stratosphere tower with an amazing view, delicious food and a free bar to boot (although I brought whisky in case). We would up sitting with the grandparents, but with sober Dee’s help we managed not to embarrass or upset them. After awhile we snuck out to ride the “Get off” ride atop the tower. Another ride, the “Get down”, looked cooler so we opted for that. Big mistake. It was a silly little car that jutted us a few feet off of the tower, and then back and forth a few times. Now that I think about it, our ride should really have the “get off” name. Disappointed but not deterred, we headed to the tower-top lounge for some more drinky-drinky. Some guest tried to lecture me about Absinthe, so I eye-gouged him. Well, I should have at least. That’s Vegas day 2.

Vegas Day 1

2006-04-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

Dee and I just returned from a whirlwind Las Vegas trip for a wedding. Want to know what we saw? And what saw us? Well, now you can…and more.

Day 1

We arrive to our hotel, the Stratosphere, on Friday evening. After checking in, we seek out dinner at the Hilton Hotel. Lines are ridiculous. I finally eat a pork sandwich, which will haunt my bowels for the remainder of the trip. We then find the bride and groom at a Star Trek bar, complete with costumed hosts and glowing orb drinks. Steve tries to touch some Trek ass. Dee and I go home early—she’s preggers after all. Bride, Groom and crew continue on to a Karaoke bar somewhere down the strip. Although I don’t see it myself, the following scenario is laid out for me the following morning: Two drunken jocky dudes take turns grinding an equally drunken skirted girl on the dance floor, seemingly in competition with each other. One jocky dude starts swing dancing with her. They’re all over the place; no rhythm or control. Then the dude throws the girl up way over his head. You know those poles that hold waiting line rope up? The girl comes down—from 6 feet up, mind you—crotch first onto one of those polls. She reels over in pain while jocky dude scampers off.

That’s Vegas Day 1.

2006-03-24T05:39:00.000-08:00

"I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!"

Just one of the many gems awaiting you in the upcoming Samual Jackson thriller, Snakes On
A Plane.

Awards

2006-03-06T14:54:00.000-08:00

So, I've heard that Philip Seymour Hoffman has won 23 awards for Capote this year. I'm all for awarding filmmakers and actors, but this is just plain excessive.

Solution 1: Each person can pick only one award for which they may be considered. If they are confident, they might chose the Oscars. If less so, the Globes. And so on.

Solution 2: Only have one goddamn award ceremony.

Kyle Steps It Up

2006-02-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

Step 1: Read this article
Step 2: Notice the name Woody Lipps
Step 3: Acknowledge that Woody Lipps is in charge of forrest patrol

2006-02-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

It's not poo, pee or vomit, but it's pretty cool.

http://www.industrial-technology-and-witchcraft.de/movs/roundabout.mov

Preggers

2006-02-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

We've got a pregnat Dee!

It will be the first baby to be born on a blog. Don't worry about how that will work; that's my problem.

??

2006-01-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

What does it mean when the lid of your Mountain Dew can smells like farts?

Fragile Ribs

2005-12-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

Yessir, I broke/cracked some ribs. Not the barbeque kind either, the real deal. Bad timing too since I'm in ski central out here in colorado. No skiing for Kyle. No wrestling, no gut punches, no bear hugs. There's a lot of grizzlies out here...and they hug pretty hard sometimes.

Did I do it skiing off of a killer rock cliff? Nope. Sledding down an icy tundra? Nope. Ice skating with stupid figure skates? There you go. Biggest fall of my life, at least on level ground. We were playing tag and I was it, so I went charging down the ice, tripped on the front skate break, and slammed down damn hard. Got the wind knocked out of me, grew pale, shivvering, pain, emergency room, etc. No internal injuries fortunately. My brother broke some ribs a few years ago and punctures his lung and liver. Fragile ribs run in the family I suppose.

Next post: Crazy Cousin New Years Party

Kyle Wins

2005-12-26T15:49:00.000-08:00

Here's my APA award profile. Don't I look just fabulous? I mean, completely in the zone? I OWN that tux!!!*

*the tux was rented.

2005-12-20T14:20:00.000-08:00

Enjoy this press report of a recent paper from our lab.

Enjoy the term "appetite cube".

Kyle on Now

2005-12-13T14:57:00.000-08:00

Kyle is sitting, slouching and tired, sucking on a candy cane, listening to a wild Christmas mix, thinking about how he's finished with teaching this semester -- finally -- and gets to teach a much less demanding course next semester on Drugs of Abuse, and planning to let a little candy cane drool slip out of the corner of his mouth and drop onto the keyboard below for the next computer user to enjoy....

Discovery Health is a fine, fine channel to watch.

Kyle on Thanks and Giving

2005-12-08T19:23:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving 2005 Awards

Best Dressed: Kyle in his metrosexual duds
Best Idea: A whisky tasting party sponsored by adults, who can afford fancy scotches and whiskies.
Worst Idea: Having a whisky tasting party the day after Thanksgiving--beer hangovers and belly full-overs don't fit well with whisky, nope, not well at all.
Laziest Lounge: Rob on the armchair, Thanksgiving day. Damn, the man was loungin'.
Most aggressive ping pong: Rob. Yep, he's both armchair-lazy and pong-crazy.
Turkiest Turkey: Butterball
Least Watching of Football: Kyle and Dee (Tie)
Most Watching of Turkey Temperature: Greg
Wormiest Roughhousing: Kyle
Most Airborne Roughhousing: Jeremy
Most Stupid Snowy November: Michigan
Most Overrrated Tom: Tom Ainslie, or "T and A" as the ladies call him.
Most Underrated Lasse: Brad
Best and Worst Binge: Scott and Liz, Liz and Scott
Best Secret (but Loud and Drunken) Scraping of Car Window: Rob, after whisky party
Best Addiction: Marie and her brown gravy
Worst Addiction: Kyle and his new slacks

Kyle Gets Logorrhea

2005-11-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

Anyone see the documentary Spellbound? The national spelling bee champ, Nupur Lala, is in my class and works across the hall. So, um, I guess that makes me better than you, since my bee-acquaintance can spell "logorrhea" and your's can't, even if you have one at all! Punk.

Last night I brought a bunch of cans to Kroger for recycling. I opened up my trunk and two full bags tipped over, emptying about 50 cans into the parking lot. Fortunately it was windy, so all of the cans immediately rolled away, clinking way too loudly over the cement. More fortunately still, the two cars in front of me happened to have their headlights on, so I was fully illuminated as this was happening and everyone was able to watch me scramble around the lot to gather up the loose cans. They were everywhere and I only got about half of them. It was noisy and embarassing. Stupid cans.

Kyle on DC

2005-11-18T17:46:00.000-08:00

I went to D.C. last week for a neuroscience conference. They have neuroscience conferences? Yes they do, so shut up and listen.

35,000 scientists converged in downtown D.C., which was quite empty bar-wise and restaurant-wise, unfortunately, but packed to the brim with the neuro-nerdy. Outer burrows are much more lively, so you know, and pretty fun. Anyway, when we arrived, our hotel refused to provide us with the cot that they promised, so one person had to sleep on the floor each night. Guys never bed together by the way, unless those guys are Lasse and Scott. And they weren't. Beyond that, the room smelled like stale cigarrettes and the management just plain sucked. But they gave us $20 and two free phone calls when we complained! That's something, isn't it? No, not really, not with the outrageously high cost of downtown hotel stays. Can I get an amen?

Everything else about the trip was enjoyable. Zoo was good. Science was good. Catching up with friends was good. Lasse and Alexis were good. I won the APA early scientist award this year, so I had an interview for that. Also, my poster drew a crowd for the entire 4 hours I had to present, and I had a successful meeting with a potential postdoctoral research advisor....all good.

Wait, one more for the bad list: I played a game of pub trivia one night with local friends. It was a very serious crowd, and one table in particular didn't like the fact that our group had more people than was permitted...so they repeatedly gave us those passive-agressive half-audible confrontations like "Boy, I wonder if the group of 7 got that one" and "Ahem...disqualified..ahem". After awhile of this, and after a few drinks, I kind of snapped, turned towards them and yelled "Did you get that one right? Five people...did you get that right with five people?!", then pointed at one of the guys and went "Huh? Huh? Five? Huh?". It was way too much, completely overboard...and I realized it a bit late. Everyone at our table was embarassed and didn't say anything. And it didn't help much that the guy at whom I was pointing was huge...no, that didn't help at all. Oh well, at least I shut the jerks up. That's my motto, for the record: "At least it shut the jerks up". Live and breathe it baby. Wildcat.

Kyle Nerd

2005-10-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

Some Nerds candy appeared the lab and it's delicious. On the topic, I was deliciously nerdy last evening, doing some Comparative Vertebrate Neuroanatomy bedtime reading and then dreaming about Fos proteins all night.

Kyle Goes Insane

2005-10-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

My friend Steve found out about an abandoned insane asylum in Ypsilanti, explored it, found some incredible things (patient records, complaints, control room, pill bottle, IDs, stretchers and wheelchairs), and actually found the master key to the locked rooms. Anyone want to go?

Kyle Cracks Up

2005-10-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had to make an announcement to 300 students, so I cupped my hands over my mouth, cleared my throat, and hollared "Everybody, please write...", except that my voice completely cracked midway through the first word. Just awful; pure puberty. Everyone within audible range cracked up.

Kyle and Concert

2005-09-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

Dee and I went to see Interpol for our birthdays last week. Excellent show, I have to say. Two funny events to describe:
1) Noone was eating popcorn in the Michigan Theater, despite the fact that it was on sale in the lobby, making me wonder if popcorn was acceptable during concert shows. Dee presumed that, no, It was not allowed since people would spill it too much. I scoffed, then found out that they did allow popcorn! So, I bought some, loaded it up with slimy butter, and then immediately spilled it all over the seats and floor.
2) We sat in the balcony, so noone was standing up or dancing during the show. Dee was bummed out. It's a concert, y'know; people should be standing. Oh well. Moments later, we saw a guy that actually was standing and dancing have an argument with a muscle-head behind him, presumably because muscle-head's girlfriend couldn't see. The argument escalated into the muscle-head grabbing the dancer and strangling him. Security came, girlfriends were yelling, muscle-head was in his element, etc. So, strangulation is what happens if you actually do stand and dance in the balcony, for future reference.

Kyle Makes Science

2005-09-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

I made science!

Rudolph

2005-09-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentleman, hear ye hear ye, I have a terrible pimple on the tip of my nose. It's not so much of a protruding zit, but more of a uniform red swelling.

People are staring at me.

Kyle Gets Cheritable Part II

2005-09-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

So I got cheritable again. Who would've known. Actually it was mostly my parents, who hosted a massive cherity event for the American Cancer Association called the Cattle Baron's Ball, which wound up raising over $1 million. It was set at the Michigan state fair grounds, and contained three rooms of activities (mechanical bull, race car track) and a sampling of food from around the metro area (mmmmm, damn tasty). Also free drinks, which I exploited to no end. The MC for the evening was detroit news personality Devin Scillian, who also played a bit of guitar for the audience (he's good actually). Later in the evening, after I drank some whisky and strained my body on the mechanical bull, they held an auction to raise money. People weren't spending as much as expected, probably owing to the economy and all....but a Ford GT went for twice its value and two dinners with my parents actually went for silly amounts of money. That's some lobying. Damn right. After that was a show by Toby Keith, who was surprisingly entertaining. We were all sprayed with red, white and blue confetti streamers, needles to day. We met him in his trailer after the show. He's a big dude. Bit of a beer-bloat going on. He seemed high and gave us an odd, semi-funny monologue about a dog he works with and how he doesn't smoke anymore. Cigarettes that is, ha ha.

A country evening all in all. Go America! Dee has the heel pain from her boots to prove it.

Kyle in MN

2005-09-03T17:17:00.000-07:00

Dee and I went to visit Joe in Minneapolis. Some things I learned:

I like Minneapolis
3/2 beer is stupid and confusing and stupid
Minneapolis is very white
Como park is great
Orangutans are endlessly fascinating to watch
So are polar bears
The maid better like my book Oryx and Crake because I left the damn thing behind
On accident I mean
Yep
James Brown Sex Machine is coolsville
Get up, get on up, shake yo money maker
Hotwire is fantastic to use
Suite hotels are sweet

Kyle Gets Charitable

2005-08-22T10:04:00.000-07:00

Yeah that's right, I had a charitable weekend. Let me break it down for you:

Friday
Went to an auto show and diabetes benefit dinner/concert at the "dream cruise" in Birmingham. Watched my pops do some interviews and host the event with local news personality Guy Gordon. Met Edsel Ford II. Saw the Beach Boys perform, then got to schmooze with them in a hotel room VIP party. Yes, I'm VIP now. They were nice, although Mike Love accused Dee of being a sucker and one of the guys tried to steal my cake. Oh yeah...watch for me and my family on Car Crazy TV saying "We're the Smith family, and we're car crazy!!!"

Saturday
Low key day for the most part. Bought myself some cowboy gear for the upcoming Cattle Baron's Ball cancer fundraiser. Ate a big steak dinner, then drank too much, then figured out why exactly I don't like religiousness in the White House.

Sunday
Helped with a American Cancer Society event at the Tiger's game. I mostly hung around and met people while Dee painted kids faces. Let's see, what else...the Tiger's mascot stomped on my moms foot and snagged Dee's hair....My dad was going to throw out the opening pitch but they bumped him for Alice Cooper (who he said looks awful nowadays)...and I learned once again how important it is to get enough sleep before a full day of being "on".

Kyle's Horror Extreme

2005-08-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

Best Horror: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Most God-Awful Horror Sequel: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

Best Horror Masquerading as Drama: Rosemary’s Baby

Goofiest Horror: The Blob

Funniest Horror Series: Halloween

Goriest Film Ever, I mean, Just Completely Overboard: Dead Alive

Most Gratuitously Disturbing: Salo

Most Artistically Disturbing: Eraserhead

Most Unsettling Movie to Show to a Foreign Exchange Student on Her First Day in the States (my bad): The Doom Generation

Most Horrifically Hilarious Swayze: Roadhouse (ok, not horror, but still…)

Best Horror I’ve Seen in the Last Week: The Hills Have Eyes

Kyle on Other Kyle's (part II)

2005-08-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

I've compiled another list of links to other Kyle Smith's out there in the world, with a bias towards the new and funny ones. Enjoy.

This one creates terrible comic strips

This one has evolved into something I don’t understand.

This one has a purple belt from Wang’s, the one and only

This one only takes appointments

Dead

This one is orange

Scroll down for this one. He won the race (but looks just awful)

This one likes a “conservative atmosphere and Aggie spirit”.

This one is a great guy and has a sweet tooth.

This one isn’t sure about career goals

This one is hungry, damned hungry

And now for the all K.S. sports lineup…
Football
Baseball
Hockey
Basketball (with a bad jaw—see photo)
More football
Soccer (my favorite of all time)
More soccer (woa)
Sexy Track

Hold The Sausage

2005-07-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

Kyle has bad news:
Sausage got something lodged in his throat/stomach a couple weeks ago, stopped eating, then snuck outside and hasn't been seen in about a week. We're not holding out for a positive outcome at this point, having scoured the neighborhood for him, posted signs, rang doorbells, etc, to no avail. Poor Sausage. He was quite a memorable cat.

2005-07-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else think this CNN article is funny? The photo looks like an ad for a tv show starring Jerry Stiller as a smarmy, frustrated father. Aww, look at him, nothing goes his way, poor guy.

Kyle Infiltrates The Scary Cool

2005-07-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

Steve and I infiltrated the Michigan Central Station yesterday, an amazing building that once served as the main train hub when Detroit was thriving, but is now abandoned. Check it out here. The city had recently put up large fences with razor wire around the perimeter to keep people out, but we found a way in.

Two words: scary cool.

The ground floor is mostly two massive rooms with ornately designed arched ceilings and fancy doorways. Quite an echo too. Think Grand Central Station in NY (which had the same designer), minus people, plus years of decay. After scoping out the main area, we walked up to the roof (19 floors). Best view of Detroit ever. Period. Steve climbed the smokestake on a rickety metal ladder, which scared us both nicely. Otherwise we just explored all of the little rooms, crevaces, nooks, discarded pieces of wall and ceiling and glass, rampant cool graffiti, vacant and dangerous elevator shafts, tucked away homeless shelter, etc, on the roof and a few lower floors....the whole thing is just plain amazing. Best of all, no troubles whatsoever besides a few scrapes and startles, and besides having afterwards popped my tire at a stupid gas station, but that's another story.

2005-07-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

http://cbsnewyork.com/topstories/local_story_145094335.html

Kyle Visits Gloucester

2005-07-02T11:24:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Dee and I flew up to Gloucester, Mass., a lovely little sea port town just outside of Boston, to vacation with the Scanlan family. Did you know that The Perfect Storm was set there? Now you do. Anyway, Dee's parents rented a crazy-big house on the ocean, which outside of prime rental season is occupied by vacationing priests. How would I describe the place and coastal New England in general? Well, the words 'quintesential' and 'picturesque' and 'post-card friendly' come to mind. The house itself plenty of space for the large family crowd, a wonderful view, and a great location near the town and beaches. We took plenty of good pictures, rode the St. Peter's carnival, ate some tasty food, drank a lot, visitited family a lot, baked under the sun, climbed the rocky shores, waded in the freezing cold ocean water, became overwhelmed with the size of Dee's family again, then settled into it, then enjoyed it all within a few minutes, saw Dee's younger cousins who are growing up fast (they all do...sob) , decided New England is a fantastic part of the nation, and, finally, returned home to our stir-crazy cats and leaky air conditioning unit. It's very, very leaky I'll have you know.

Kyle Sciences It Up

2005-06-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

Good news! My first paper got a near certain acceptance letter by The Journal of Neuroscience. Just a few changes and then, well, ol' Smith here becomes a scientist.

Kyle Hits the Scene

2005-06-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy week, let me tell you. Thursday Joe hosted a party for the soon-to-be married Brad and Maggie, where we opened gifts and caught up. Tom supplied the grilled beast for the evening. Mmm, beast. Saturday was the actual wedding: good stuff. Some old lady actually answered her cell phone during the ceremony, which was one of the most rediculous things I've seen in awhile. Otherwise the ceremony and reception were a hit. Sunday it was off to Pentwater, MI, home of the Ainslie cottage on lake Michigan. Did I play bocce ball on the beach? Yes. Did I make a bonfire and eat smores? Yes. Did I eat terrific meals and shove asparagus down my throat by the handful? Yes. Did I dry hump the sand in sexual frustration because I hadn't seen Dee in a few days? No, but I should have.

Now it's back to work, watching the Pistons play some good ol' fashioned Detroit b-ball at local bars, and making pots of coffee so thick that they tastes like pudding.

Wrap up

2005-05-31T15:17:00.000-07:00

Fuse-in Monday
Expected highlights: UR, Octave One
Unexpected highlights: phone-o, highfish, deetron
Lowlights: Jan Jelinek and Cobra Killer no shows
Unexpected lowlight: Fred Giannelli
Absurdly crowded: Richie Hawtin

Fuse-In update

2005-05-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

The first day was pretty fun. Highlights: Legowelt, Green Velvet. Lowlights: KDJ and Akufen not showing up.

Next stop, Monday. Gonna get me some UR, some Octave One, some Richie Hawtin, some Dan Bell, some Carl Criag, some Mos Def, and maybe just maye some Fred Giannelli.

Kyle Gets HIs Fuse-In, er, on

2005-05-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today's the first day of the Fuse-In techno fest. Ooooh, I'm giddy. Also sick. But mostly giddy. Gonna see me some KDJ, some Egg, some Legowelt, some Aril Brikha, some Elektrofunk, some Bangkok Impact, some Green Velvet, and maybe just maybe some Akufen.

Kyle Takes in a Ballgame

2005-05-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

I went to see the Tigers get whooped, then come back to tie the game, and then lose last night with Dee's family. We then went to Greektown casino for a few hours. I turned $20 into $29, and then $19, and finally $9. It was a flip-floppy evening.

The Detroit Techno Festival is officially on for memorial day weekend. The linup is stellar, as always, although they're charging entrance this year to curb the cost of putting it on. I'm a fan of the fee, by and large, even if it means I only go one day 'cause I don't want to pay $10 to hear acts that I've heard before. It'll keep the festival running and steer the rambling idiots away from the shows. This is a good thing--it's always been far too crowded, especially during any hip-hop acts, and I think I saw 3 fights last year. That's not the techno-love that I'm talking about, no sir.

2005-05-10T15:32:00.000-07:00

So my flu is going away, thanks for asking. Actually, it's being replaced by an involuntary collaboration with a neurologist here, which promises to infect what little free time I have left in the lab. It could be good actually: extra data with minimal work. That's my motto.

Steve's girlfriend Becca caught two of her students handing in identicle papers, and catching plagiarists is always exciting, but they proceded to plagiarize their email responses to her as well! This is too rediculous to be true, but it is. They wrote essentially the same email, both claiming to be "very upset", then asking if they can meet with her when they get back from out of town on Tuesday. Check it out.

Kyle Parties

2005-05-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I hosted a party for Amy and Jen, in honor of their PhD graduation. You can see pictures here (in reverse order of events).

If I say so myself, it went splendidly. We had 30 or so people, some very tasty snacks (baked brie, homemade refried beans, etc), and a lot of drinks and fun. For anyone that cares, a BYOB party is the way to go. There's plenty to go around and the host is left with a wild assortment of alcoholic drinks.

Dee and I got a great cake too. Besides being delicioso-to-the-max, we had the bakery fill the entire cake up with writing, which was in the old english style of diplomas. Clever, no? I also gave a drunken speach, which I think was kept appropriate and amusing. Now I have the Flu, which may be related to the party, but who knows. Scientists don't speculate.

In other news, my photo log has been upgraded courtesy of Tom, so I will be uploading heaps of photos in the future. Stay tuned.

Kyle gets vocal

2005-04-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I sang some Journey and drank a lot. Next week will be Neil Diamond--Forever in Blue Jeans. Karaoke means "Empty Orchestra" in Japanese. So you know.

It was at a pretty cool new bar in Ann Arbor called the circus. It's a loft style bar with a circus theme and a cool atmosphere. Free popcorn too.

2005-04-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

I'm back to having red hair. Love me?

I've taken to carrying around far too many medications. Yes it's allergy season and all, but that really no excuse. Here's what I have in my backpack right now:

Asthma Inhaler * Gaviscon * Pepto Bismol * Chapstick * Anti-anxiety meds * Stridex pads * Xyrtec * Centrum vitamins

You see, it all makes sense if you consider the fact that work gets me anxious, which causes stomach problems, which lowers my immune responses, which makes me less able to deal with allergens, which further causes stress, which makes me sweat and clog my skin pores and break out in mouth herpes and have further stomach problems.

Kyle Flicks

2005-04-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

In keeping with the theme of UM course evaluation forms being filled out this week, here's some flicks I've seen recently:

Excellent
Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
Napoleon Dynamite
Shaun of the Dead
I, Robot

Good
Garden State
Garage Days
Collateral

Neutral
Ray
Cellular

Poor
Farenheit 9/11
Van Wilder

Really Weird
Six Ways to Sunday

Kyle Gets Zapped

2005-04-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to Detroit to see Zap Mama. Excellent show; right up my alley. She's some kind of mix between African/hip-hop/soul, her music that is, and she herself is a mix of African and Fench and Belgium. She's also ripped to hell (muscle wise). So, yeah, we have a lot in common. Anyway, the show combined some nice music, some African dance, some DJ skillz, some cool digital sampling, some beatboxing, etc. Myself, I drank three $4 beers, bobbed my head a bit, and one time threw a hand up in the air. After that we went to a bar and played video trivia. At some point during this Steve's car tire was brutally slashed, and of course we didn't figure it out until we were on the highway. That's a Detroit evening for ya: soulful and slashy.

Kyle

2005-04-01T05:57:00.000-08:00

This one rings so true. (Courtesy of cousin Matt)

This one also rings true, but in a creepier way. (Courtesy of Tom and friend)

In other news, I'm number 1. Fucking 1 baby; watch your back, hear---yeah.

Fast Food

2005-03-26T15:40:00.000-08:00

Would you like a finger with that chilli?

No, no I would not. But thanks.

http://www2.cbs5.com/localnews/local_story_082152759.html

Kyle's Woes

2005-03-19T11:03:00.000-08:00

What's new? I'll tell you what's new, but you may want to sit down first. And grab a roll of paper towl. It's gonna be messy.

I tore my neck muscle the other day carrying a VCR, which means I'm in good shape. What's worse, the VCR was supposed to replace a slightly broken one in the lab, but all it did was eat the first tape we put in it. I think it's cursed. Besides that, the government is jerking me around. I have a grant application in to the NIH and it may not happen due to scarcity of money and a surly review committee. Add to that a headache, a slightly chapped lower lip, an empty fridge and a cat whose been peeing on everything soft in the house, and you have Kyle's woes.

Kyle on Snowmass

2005-03-08T19:01:00.000-08:00

I've just returned from my spring break trip to Snowmass (that means, "a lot of snow"), where my 'rents have a lovely new home complete with hot-tub, roaming elk, and yes, snow. A lot of snow. Actually, the weather was gorgeous: 45 degrees and sunny most days, with the mountains being a bit cooler. Perfect skiing weather in fact. I shushed the slopes of Snowmass 4 days of the week and really fell in love with it again (I haven's skiied much in the last few years). Such a lovely sport. And good for the legs. See my photo log for some choice pics.

The town is a few miles from Aspen and Woody Creek, so naturally it was abuzz with the news of Hunter S. Thompson's suicide. See my previous blog for a writeup of myrecent encounter with HST--probably his last public appearance. My brother Jeremy is pictured with him in the latest Aspen news magazine under the heading "Fans Crowd Hunter S. Thompson". I also visited Denver towards the end of the trip, which has even nicer weather, and Fort Collins, which is a neat college city that Jeremy may attend. Go Jeremy!

Back to the grad school grind now. Hmph.

Kyle on Super Bowl

2005-02-09T16:02:00.000-08:00

Dee & I hosted a party. Dee made an excellent array of food and I provided my usual mix of engaging conversation, witty interchange and halftime givaways of classic film. It was fun.

What were those classic movies? None other than Bullies and Captive Wild Woman, of course.

Kyle on BWWs

2005-02-04T08:26:00.001-08:00

A Buffalo Wild Wings opened up in Ann Arbor. I know what you're thinking: "Kyle, B-dubs is like a Hooters for men who like ass". Or at least that's what Steve is thinking. And he's right, of course, but it's also so much more. For instance, it has ntn trivia, which is fun. It also has Buck Hunter (a.k.a. the best game ever) and a truly entertaining mix of people, including fratty guys, sorority girls, Greeked-out sports nuts, girly Greeky supid girls, and funny people walking outside on the sidewalk. Last night we were treated to the following:

-(as told by our waitress) Two guys clad in sweatpants and sweatshirts came in, wanted to play some football, bought some wings which were too hot, complained about the wings, then left in a huff to play football
-A table of guys next to us having the most hilarious conversation, which ranged from engines, to working out, to sports, to golden quotes such as "After I meet someone I have to check out EVERY inch of their body"
-A guy outside our window drinking from a water bottle, which obviously didn't contain water.
-Steve laughing at the guy and the guy flicking Steve off
-A well-dressed Italian guy outside arguing furiously with himself.
-An asian lady with the most rediculous amount of underwear sticking out of her pants (seriously, these were size XL grandma panties and they were flowing like lava out of a volcano)
-a series of three friends at the urinals all laughing at each other's penis size

There was more but I can't remember. Best of all, Steve and I were walking down the street behind a middle-aged, elegantly dressed lady. We got closer to her and began passing, when she farted loudly on us and immediately turned around and scowled. As if we had laughed or something, but we hadn't had time to make any reaction.

Kyle on BWWs

2005-02-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

A Buffalo Wild Wings opened up in Ann Arbor. I know what you're thinking: "Kyle, B-dubs is like a Hooters for men who like ass". Or at least that's what Steve is thinking. And he's right, of course, but it's also so much more. For instance, it has ntn trivia, which is fun. It also has Buck Hunter (a.k.a. the best game ever) and a truly entertaining mix of people, including fratty guys, sorority girls, Greeked-out sports nuts, girly Greeky supid girls, and funny people walking outside on the sidewalk. Last night we were treated to the following:

-(as told by our waitress) Two guys clad in sweatpants and sweatshirts came in, wanted to play some football, bought some wings which were too hot, complained about the wings, then left in a huff to play football
-A table of guys next to us having the most hilarious conversation, which ranged from engines, to working out, to sports, to golden quotes such as "After I meet someone I have to check out EVERY inch of their body"
-A guy outside our window drinking from a water bottle, which obviously didn't contain water.
-Steve laughing at the guy and the guy flicking Steve off
-A well-dressed Italian guy outside arguing furiously with himself.
-An asian lady with the most rediculous amount of underwear sticking out of her pants (seriously, these were size XL grandma panties and they were flowing like lava out of a volcano)
-a series of three friends at the urinals all laughing at each other's penis size

There was more but I can't remember. Best of all, Steve and I were walking down the street behind a middle-aged, elegantly dressed lady. We got closer to her and began passing, when she farted loudly on us and immediately turned around and scouled. As if we had laughed or something, but we hadn't had time to make any reaction.

Kyle's Manuscript (and Alan Alda)

2005-02-03T13:25:00.000-08:00

As suspected, Nature Neurosciene rejected my paper in the end. It was nice to be reviewed though--Hey! On to Journal of Neuroscience...

The voices of Alan Alda and Howerd Stern are almost identical. Check em out.

Kyle's Restroom Drama

2005-01-28T18:30:00.000-08:00

Ok. I have some restroom drama for y'all.

The other day I had planned on writing about an incident at work involving a unisex bathroom, but I developed a fish-related gastrointestinal problem which prevented me from blogging. That's part one of the Restroom Drama.

Part two: that unisex incident I mentioned. The biopsych secured floor has a unisex bathroom that can get pretty dirty at times, being crowded and lacking a urinal and all. So, my friend Nicola tapes a sign above the toilet reading "Next time, try aiming". Not knowing who the sign poster was at the time, Steve and I thought it would be funny to anonymously tape little bullseye targets all over the bathroom--which I did. Apparently, the janitor came in later and thought that people were urinating all over the toilet and walls (I'm still not sure if someone had actually done that; probably not), so he emails the head of maintenance and says as much. The maintenance head sends out an email to the department scolding our bathroom manners. The chair of the department then decides to make the bathroom women-only. Another faculty emails saying that this is unfair. The chair emails again restating her point and adding that she'll place a sign on the door and expects people to obey. A little later we get another email from the chair, who is now upset with us because someone has ripped down the women-only sign. So she decides to put a lock on the bathroom to end the drama. Meanwhile, my advisor confronts me about the incident thinking I had something to do with it (which I did of course). I tell him as much as I know and he decides to straighten things out with the building maintenance man. I don't think much came of it, but my advisor later told me that the biopsychology faculty all think that there is a crazy biopsych student who has been pissing all over the bathroom walls for awhile (which is not true), and that the entire Psychology department is hearing similar exhaggerations of the events as well. So, I think by now most people know that I was the catalyst to the unisex bathroom drama and I suspect that a few people assume I'm responsible for the wall pissing, which probably never happened in the first place.

Kyle (aka G.I. Joe)

Kyle's Photo Log

2005-01-19T15:01:00.000-08:00

Visit my new photo log, co-hosted by Dee.

Blogs are fine and all, but can you really understand what I'm all about through these scattered musings and occasional news quirks? I mean, can you really picture my life?? Well, now you can with a simple click of the mouse!!!

Monster Kyle

2005-01-16T17:50:00.000-08:00

I caught the U.S. Monster Jam fever the other day. Myself, Dee, Steve, Beca and Nicola went to see Monster trucks race and romp and roll around in the Silverdome....awsome stuff. Grave Digger stole the show. My favorite truck--The New Evolution--performed to the max. Blue Thunder, baby. Samson went and crushed a camper. Free booze and food. Maximum extreme monster!!!!

Rating people's age is fun.

Kyle Spies a Creationist Museum

2005-01-07T08:46:00.000-08:00

Check it out.

Be sure to visit the Stargazer Room, where you will "Peer back into the deepest recesses of the heavens, and discover that the latest images of the stars confirm an all powerful Creator, not a random bang!"

Also, you won't want to miss an esteemed lecture by mister science himself: Dr. T. Diggers.

Wow!

Kyle on Xmas break

2005-01-03T10:27:00.000-08:00

X is for Christ baby.

Part 1: Louisville. Dee and I went down to Louisville to spend Christmas with her family. I got some goody presents, some goody relaxing and some goody reading done. It snowed 9 inches and the whole city shut down for a week because they're really prepared for snowfall. Err, not really. Prepared I mean. Meanwhile in Ann Arbor, Jen lost her wallet which contained our house key so the cat's were left without a caretaker. We sent our second (and last) key to her overnight via UPS , only to find out the next day that UPS was grounded in Louisville due to the 9 inches of snow that day and didn't work the following two days. We were overjoyed, especially considering that UPS took our overnight order well after the 9 inches had fallen! Lesson learned: make more house keys and don't trust the stupid lady at the UPS desk.

Part 2: Return. Cats were fine. Key arrived at Jen's right before we arrived ourselves. We felt bad for putting Jen through the turmoil. Two days of relaxing.

Part 3: Chicago. Dee and I drove to Chicago for a NYE event with my buddies Tom, Lasse, Alexis, Joe, Brad and Maggie. The hotel---Hyatt Regency--was PACKED with Greeked out young people, kind of like a NYE spring break. Consequently, the hotel had everyone wear arm bands that had checked out a room so no outsiders could come in and debauchery could be kept to a minimum. This turn of events spelled trouble for us, since we had planned on sleeping 7 to a room that night. We suited up for the evening (I was a hollywood producer named Matty Silverspoon) and got some yummy-ass Chicago pizza nearby. There we drank. Quite a bit. We disturbed the other guests a bit with our talk of smashing pint glasses on our foreheads (Joe), talk of repeatedly giving Lasse the Clap (me), attempts to fit one's lips around a pint glass rim (Joe), hollars regarding a two-picture deal with Jeff Goldblum and a crime-solving elephant (me), and generally being noisy and rude (all of us except Maggie and Dee). We later rang in the new year at a hipster house party uptown and drank some free beer. Our lack of hotel arm bands didn't prove much of a problem. New Years day was spent watching the Rose Bowl with Steve and Becca, then being belligerant in the hotel bar. We purchased 48oz margeritas, hollared at people passing by, wrestled a bit, leg wrestled a bit, Alexis stomped my glasses, etc.

I'm back in Ann Arbor now, and have just awoken from a lovely 14 hour sleep. Things I've learned this trip:
1. Don't let Alexis near my glasses
2. The undergraduates at UM that harass me over email about getting "just 1 more point" because they're on some sort of cusp for their final grade are quite irritating.
3. Especially the ones that email me at 9pm on Christmas eve and want to sift through all of their assignments in the hopes of finding a grading mistake
4. I like Chicago
5. I make a good Hollywood producer

2004-12-13T20:16:00.000-08:00

Kyle on other Kyle Smiths:

This one is a writer

This one is psychologist, much like myself, but is a dog-loving fool of a social psychologist. Blah.

This one plays football. FOOOOOOOOOTBALL!!!!

Here's another one that plays football. Leave those bitches in the kitchen; I'm playing some goddamn foooooootball with the fellas.

This one is a yuppie Conan O'Brien look-alike, even though he's the same guy as the writer above.

This one is a strong-hearted firefighter. Ladies?

This one is a theater consultant and works on something called "pink design". Fellas?

This one is a baseball superstar. He tore ligaments in his thumb.

This one is just plain weird.

This one is alleging AIDS discrimination. Ladies? He's single...

This one also has a blog and, apparently, some quite memorable entries.

This one is a car. Really!

This one is in highschool and wants to fly helicopters one day.

This one is my favorite so far. What a cool guy.

This one studies christians. And is a pinner version of Zach Braff.

This one has died, sadly, but did have the nickname "sniff" evidently.

This one has been straight-up HIRED.

This one is a burly masterpiece.

Finally, this one is me. Old faithful.

Kyle's News

2004-12-11T14:44:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of CNN.com:

Kyle was dioxin poisened. Oh wait, that's Yushchenko, not Kyle.

Kyle has a healthy red hair color. And an itchy scalp.

Kyle is three days away from finishing his first teaching job. Indeed, he's looking foreward to the break.

Kyle may go to Chicago for NYE. He'll wear his blue suit, drink from his whisky jugger, debauch a hotel and generally celebrate his not having dioxin poisening after all.

Kyle Q's & A's

2004-12-08T19:20:00.000-08:00

Dan Rather: So what is your favorite sandwich at the moment, Mister Smith?

Kyle Smith: I have to select the Big Mountain Chicken sandwich at Wendy's, Dan.
DR: C'mon now, what about the spicy chicken sandwich? I mean, you can't have me believe..."

KS: Forget it Dan, no way. Fool, the Big Mountain is a spicy chicken sandwich, but with an extra special southwestern sauce and cheese. And bacon. It's just the best.

You should check out my friend Tyson's latest blog. Quite an L.A. Thanksgiving.

Kyle's Quiz

2004-11-29T15:43:00.000-08:00

Kyle wants you to take this short quiz.

It will determine your Kyle Quotient (i.e. the most important part of you that you aren't aware of).

(Kyle suggests using a fake email address)

Kyle Ingests

2004-11-22T08:23:00.000-08:00

Saturday I ingested something that I haven't ingested in years. It made me break apart trees at Huron River and climb around on bridge support pillars.

Today I will ingest fucking Pancheros, fuck yeah. Beans, rice, motherloving salsa...the works. It will make me sedated and happy.

Tonight I will ingest your soul. That's right. I will suck it out through your mouth, blow it back in through your ears, suck it back out through your nose and then swallow it myself. Then I will own you for eternity.

Kyle Negotiates

2004-11-12T07:35:00.000-08:00

After wathing The Negotiator last night, I have finally satisfied my lust for high-octane negotiation. Finally! Sweet relief...

The film begins with a powerhouse negotiation by renegade negotiator Samuel Jackson. Then something goes wrong and Jackson takes hostages. Jackson then gets to negotiate the pants off a rookie negotiator, causing the cops bring in an old pro: Kevin Spacy. Spacy and Jackson procede to negotiate at the top of their lungs for 1.5 hours, at which point the movie ends.

If only I could negotiate like that. Dr. Berridge, if you don't approve of my work I'm prepared to show you just how far I'm willing to take this! I have Ben here, Dr. Berridge, and at this point in time Ben's life means very little to me....so you have to ask yourself, Berridge, how much does it mean to you!!!

Or something like that.

2004-11-01T14:01:00.000-08:00

Since I returned from San Diego....
....I saw Chomsky speak on Linguistics. He's a chompy man, let me tell you.
....I dressed up as a Spanish dueling muskateer and party hopped my way around ann arbor
....I hollared "You ladies are skinny and beautiful!"
....I finally scraped away the gum that had built up and solidified behind my rear teeth
....I lied about some stuff (just now, matter of fact)
....I decided to vote a straight Democratic ticket
....And to vote pro-marijuana, pro-gambling, pro-homosexual, pro-community college money
....I realized that I'm a very pro and positive man, y'know, I'm really optimistic about stuff

G'day

Kyle on San Diego

2004-10-31T13:33:00.000-08:00

Diego was nice. San, not so much.

Day 1:
Arrive. 3 hours behind Eastern time zone. Hotel is much nicer than expected, except for a strong bleachy smell (which was expected). Great location as well. Great mexican food. Cheap dive bars nearby. Drunk by 7pm. Very drunk by 9pm.
Day 2:
Day-long National Institue on Drug Abuse symposium. Queezy. Cool brain images. Boring talks about other stuff. Spoke to students of potential postdoctoral advisors of mine. Early to bed.
Day 3:
First day of neuroscience posters. A lot of walking and talking. Two great impressions of second postdoctoral opportunity at Hopkins. How is Baltimore for living? Anyone?? More drinking. BYObutter rules the trivia machine.
Day 4:
More posters and walking and talking. Great people watching.
Day 5:
Up at 7am for my poster presentation. Very successful overall: got some advice, positive comments, met some folks, plugged my work, etc. Quite a crowd. Especially around the adjascent poster, Steve's "Marijuana Munchies" study. Totally exhausted by early pm. Dinner with the lab at super-fancy mexican/french restaurant. Steak good. Cactus...intersting. 3 hours of drinking and exhausting conversation. Early to bed. Sort of.
Day 6:
Slept on flight home. When did they start charging for in-flight meals? Went to bed early. Drained.

What did I learn about SD?
San Diego has way too many advertisements for plastic surgery. The down-and-out folks ask for cigarettes, not money. The weather is too consistent. Downtown stuff is too expensive. Where are the hippies and homosexuals I've been hearing about? Not downtown, evidently. San Diego is home to the only calm and jolly schizophrenic I've met. My knees hurt.

Kyle Bleeds

2004-10-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

I'm totally exhausted, a bit dehydrated, and I just cut myself badly while doing dishes....so I thought the time was perfect for some blogging. Blood = Blog.

Shine by David Gray, that's a good song.

So, this week I'm teaching students how to dissect sheep brains. Pretty fun, I must say. It's the first time I've seen much enthusiasm from them. Brains! Fuck Yeah!!!

Next week I go to San Diego for the Society for Neuroscience annual meeting. 35,000 strong last year, and this year is likely to be at least that large. I've never been to SD but have heard good things. I'm presenting my research that identified neurons that code taste pleasure, so I should ge a pretty good crowd at my poster. If the data doesn't do it, then my gimmick sure will: passerbys will have the opportunity to taste my nasty NaCl fluid that I gave the rats. Mmmmm, fluid.

There's a catch to the trip though: Steve has booked us in a roach motel that has awful online reviews (stuff about violence, filth, etc), and partly serves as a halfway house for the local debauchers. So stay tuned for stories from the halfway house--I'm sure I'll have a few by the end of the trip.

Kyle Rants and Waxes

2004-10-05T16:31:00.000-07:00

STELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAA!!!!
Let's get three things clear: I loved The State. I love Reno 911. I loved Wet Hot American Summer. Will I loave Stella? Yes.

Last weeks debate: bunk. Kyle didn't get any new information, save for a few insights into political tactics and personalities, neither of which Kyle cares about.

The Debate tonight: much more promising, matter of fact. We'll see.

Kyle dislikes Bush and Kerry so much, and especially Cheney and Edwards. Kyle may not vote. Uh-oh!

Kyle's students don't understand neuroscience and are driving him a bit nuts about the upcoming examination---so teaching is going quite well, thanks.

Kyle saw Arlo Guthrie last night and enjoyed the show. Highly recommended if you get a chance.

Kyle may change his name to "Kyle Guthrie" and sing folky tunes about working the line and pitching the man's coal. Or, instead, he may not---only time will tell.

And time will never tell, because Kyle has sworn time to secrecy. Ha!

Blog out.

Kyle Gets Few and Far Between

2004-09-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the blog entries being few and far between. That's just the way it is. Deal.

I experienced my first student-section football game yesterday. It's an enthusiastic crowd, let me tell you. Enthusiastic and overly standy--I couldn't sit down unless I wanted a face full of thigh and ass. Which I did want, to be frank, but I also wanted to berate the fratty football fans and the scattered students with "Bush-Cheney" stickers on their shirts:

"This is the best football I've ever seen! I love it so much..."
"Put the women in the kitchen and throw me a damn spiral! Foooootball!!"
"Spread em for Grandpa, ladies!" (to the cheerleaders)
"Foul!? What's next, homosexual marriage!!??"
"My wife has a homosexual fetus that I want to abort but I can't, so I'm confused!! Bush Cheney, 2004!!"

I've become Joe Mahon with my drunken social screaming---beautiful.

Kyle has another wedding weekend

2004-09-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

Flight to D.C.:
After boarding the plane following a 45 min delay due to lack of crew, the pilot said "There are tornadoes in Washington, so we may be delayed...". There were gasps and grumbles, but I didn't care much. Why? Because I had been bumped up to first class: comfy chairs, magazines, free alcohol and pretzels, the works. Our delays totaled 4 hours in the end, though we were quite lucky to have made the trip at all considering the awful weather conditions in D.C. (due to Ivan, turns out).

Wedding:
We arrived at 11pm and met up with family in the hotel bar, where a whisky costed $7.75 and a beer costed $5.50....totally cheap, in other words. My cousin Matt, the groom, was drunk, as was my spastic cousin Bryan. It was a short but fun night. Both the wedding and reception, held the following morning, were elegant and fancy-pants. They were held in Georgetown, of course, at a small chapel and a sophisticated riverside restaurant/hall. The event was fairly standard, with a few bits of unusual entertainment (my fav.). One of the Bride's sisters had to read a Biblical passage while her daughter smacked around the microphone. A little girl hollared and laughed in the back of the church throughout the wedding...so the priest had to speak over the echoing noises of her and strange thumps and crashes every once in awhile. During the reception, my cousin in-law and I were tapping our glasses to the beat of a song and, simultaneously, both of our glasses cracked and exploded. Oh, and the appetizers were OUTSTANDING...really. The whole thing was over by 5:00, which left us with 8 hours for post-wedding hotel cousin debauchery. By the end of the evening, the following had occured:
-Lots and lots of drinking (of course)
-gossiping about Matt's biological father's family (with whom he has recently reconciled his differences)....they have two murder/disapperances, one crazy sexual accusation to Matt himself (and his brother), one instance of impregnation then run away (his father), and LOTS Of other weirdness.
-snorting whisky off of the table
-dumping beer on Matt, his brother, his sister, his mother, our cousin, etc.
-snorting vodka
-wrestling: matt was flipped in a 360 at one point and hurt himslef
-kickboxing: my brother came away with a nasty bloody shin
-Flippy cup
-Extreme flippy cup: smacking the cup as hard as possible at someone and then chugging a beer in seconds (which ends up more on your clothes than in your mouth)
-Joints
-Three noise warnings...and a "final warning"
-me taking a break for diarrhea (black diarrhea, to be exact)
-"Hose vomit": my brother tried to block a vomit with his clenched hand, causing the vomit to squirt out the sides in a stream
-The best man forcing Matt to visit his bride, who had left an hour or so earlier
-Screaming "Rooooooth" down the hall towards the room of my grandmother, Ruth

All in all, a wild evening. The next day we ate breakfast, went to the new WWII memorial--very nice--and visited JFK's grave. Then it was time to fly home.

Flight Back to Detroit:
The flight home was delayed, of course. This time the delays were in increments; they kept pushing the departure time back by 15min. We were finally able to board after 2.5 hours of this. Turns out that the reason for the delay was a broken bathroom. That's right: 2.5 hours for a broken bathroom. Funny thing is, when an attendant announced the boarding (in broken english), she said "And those sitting in rows 25 to 33 should not sit there becuase that is the smell source. Please sit behind those rows." Smell source! I got a good laugh, and felt bad for those seating in the back of the airline (and good for myself in first class still). So the flight may have been delayed due to noxious odors, not a broken bathroom per se. When we entered the plane all of the overhead fans were on full blast and the plan was quite cold due to some airing-out process. And there were faint odors of sewage even up front, so I can't imagine what it was like in the rear.

Now I'm home. Yep. Georgetown is nice and elegant, but a little too much so for my tastes, especially concerning shops and residents. My cousins are crazy, especially matt. My brother is injured. I'm tired. Then end.

Busy Kyle

2004-09-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

Life has been busy: teaching, planning course material, creating an addiction lecture (with the human manifestation of addiction, Steve Mahler), dealing with students' email hastles, including one with a scary/threatening quotation from Malcom X about murder, laughing at the absurdity of modern conservative and pseudo-neo fascist historical parlance and/or ideological congress, helping my lovely Dee with her assignments, making whoopie (all over my lovely Dee's homework), working on submitting my paper, deciding whether to submit to Nature Neuroscience (I WAS hoping to have at least one Nat Neurosci reduction before the year is out), riding my bicycle through the streets at night while weeping about my woes (of which there is only one: a new pimple on my lower lip), etc.

Kyle Class

2004-09-07T15:45:00.000-07:00

Today was my first classroom teaching experience. What I noticed more than anything else was that the students just sit there staring at you with a blank expression. What do you do? What...do...you...do? Don't expect participation, nope, not on the first day. Don't expect questions. Do, however, expect a flurry of people after class trying to get in or out of your section and explaining various weird situations they're in which prevent them from working certain times of the day or giving oral presentations. Expect that, and expect to be slightly overwhelmed by it.

It went fine though; no complaints. I'm in charge baby, and don't forget it. That's the mantra I kept repeating to myself during class to avoid becomming nervous.

Now I drink beer left over from today's biopsychology "get to know the incoming class" event. This is the first time I've seen alcohol at one of these things, and it was at noon. Go figure.